1.) Go into Seclusion. Mourning is a human social affair as death happens to all. When we choose to mourn alone, we create a harmful system of each person ignoring or “giving space” to those who have experienced death. It is imperative to open up and share your feelings and time when bereaved; When grieving, don’t run away but run towards the support, thoughts, memories, and feelings associated with your grief.
2.) Keep busy. Keeping busy to avoid confronting loss does not work in a permanent situation like death. Busyness is just a distraction and can pass days, weeks, and even years, but the grief does not disappear. Without notice, the suppressed emotions resurface when least expected in a destructive manner causing havoc to lives long after the death. Overall, the bereaved must intentionally acknowledge that a death has occurred and seek support to complete the grief work.
3.) Don’t talk about death. From birth, society teaches us to suppress conversations about pain and hurt so that we do not make people “uncomfortable.” Speaking and sharing emotions is part of the mourning process; talk about your loss and seek support when you need to. Speaking heals!
4.) Don’t think of your loss. Your loved one existed and has died. Well-meaning friends and family can advise you not to “think about” or “focus” on the dead. These well-intentioned yet wrong statements can cause you to seek ways to distract your mind from your loss. There are many feelings and thoughts to process; avoid mental distracters. Healing begins from the mind; by thinking of the death, you can start to honor their life and adjust to their absence.
5.) Replace the loss. As the bereaved, you may be convinced and tempted into making quick decisions to replace the lost life. No two people are alike; It is imperative to complete the relationship by doing the mourning and grieving work to ensure that any future relationships are balanced and sincere.
6.) Self medicate. Self-medicating with food, alcohol, and drugs may seem like a quick escape from the reality of death. This highly addictive and destructive coping mechanism robs the bereaved from doing the mourning and grieving work. The lethal result is a fusion of addiction and unresolved grief.
7.) Show strength. “Take heart” “Be strong” are statements that sound good but have no value in death. When bereaved, the true power comes from mourning, processing grief, and adjusting to life without your dead loved one.
Bereaved Pledge
Today I will be gentle with myself. I enter the road towards healing; I remember the past and embrace the life to come.
Supporter’s Pledge
Today I will be gentle with myself. I take time to engage with mortality. I will be ready to assist others and make informed decisions when faced with death.
